Chiang Mai and slow boat ride - Thursday 3 May - Friday 11 May

Thursday 3 May:

We had our last suit fitting and they fitted perfect. I had to get my red trousers altered and didn't see my red skirt so I hope they're not too angry to not put them in the package to be sent home with the rest. We had a spare two hours before we had to catch the fourteen hour train so they said we could stay for a couple of hours in the room and drink their beer. They even brought us fruit.

The train journey was great. We left at 7.30pm. It was quite private because there was one seat on either side of the aisle so Carl and I sat facing each other. The seats we sat on converted into the bottom bunk and the top bunk was above our head. That would be my bunk. Carl had chosen the bottom bunk because he said it was safer for me to have the top bunk but what I didn't know is that the top bunk had less room, it was much colder and was very bright all through the night because the curtains weren't high enough to cover the lights in the aisles. But bless Carl for protecting me. We had beer until about 10.15pm and then we were ordered to go to bed by the man who pulls down the top bunk. It was like our parents telling us it was bed time. Of course, I didn't go to my top bunk until much later. We both shared the bottom bunk until the early morning. I knew it was time to move up to my bunk because Carl asked me to move over and there was nowhere to move to. My bum was already sticking out from the curtain. I moved to my bunk and luckily I had my eye mask from the England flight so used that to shield the light.

Friday 4 May:

I went back down to the bottom bunk at 7am and Carl was already awake. We got our chairs made back and I managed to eat my breakfast just in time before the train jolted and the plate and egg white fell on the floor.

We arrived in Chiang Mai at 10.45am. An hour and fifteen minutes late. That's Thai style. When we checked into our room at BMP Resident we realised that this was what backpacking was all about apart from the fact that we had our own toilet. The room was basic with no television, a broken wardrobe and a shower head which was broken so didn't attach to the wall.

We had our trek meeting at 6.30pm and Mr Sun introduced himself as our guide for the next two days. He said that in the day he is known as Mr Sun and in the evening he is known as Mr Moon. Mr Sun my arse. It pissed it down the whole two days as you'll find out.

Saturday 5 May:

There were six of us together on our trek and as soon as we left the guesthouse it started raining heavily. We stopped off at a market which smelt like a slaughterhouse and bought some sexy waterproof ponchos.

We first stopped off for an elephant trek and they were much nicer to the elephants here. Basically, the elephants did what they wanted within reason. They could eat whenever they wanted and could take a detour if they wanted without getting kicked on the head or bashed with a nasty looking weapon. You could tell that the guides here cared for them. The Swedish couple on our trek had the biggest daddy elephant. It was bigger than the height of our elephant and that was with me and Carl on the back. And it was really naughty. It took the lead and kept going off track to get to the plants and it kept raising its front legs to get up to the high bits. We fed our elephant plenty of bananas so he didn't feel like he had to do the same. On the way back we saw a heavily pregnant elephant and saw the baby kicking inside which was amazing. When we got off the elephant the two Canadian girls on our trek told us that our elephant actually slipped over when he was going down a slope but we didn't notice.

We stopped and had lunch and it was here that five dogs started following us. Actually they took the lead. We don't know why because we didn't pay them any attention. We didn't even notice them until about 15 minutes after heading off. Of course we were wearing our ponchos. It had been raining for 3 hours by now and showed no signs of stopping or even slowing down. In the first fifteen minutes we passed three girls who wished us all good luck and another man who was behind them with a face like thunder. They had obviously just finished their trek.

Mr Sun said that it would take us three hours uphill to reach Karon Village where we would be sleeping. It was so difficult because there was so much rain coming down. Waterfalls were being created and were coming from everywhere and still the dogs came with us. There were four tan coloured dogs (one with a broken hip which we called hop-a-long) and the fifth dog was a little black fluffy thing which I later called Mini. While Carl and I were at the back of the trek we noticed that the tan dogs took it in turns to wait at the back until we had walked past and then he would run back to the front with all the other dogs. Mini didn't though because she was too much of a wimp.

It only took us two hours to reach Karon Village because we didn't stop once although we were all knackered. The villagers were still at work in the rice fields so we made our way to the place where we would be sleeping. We were greeted by a barking dog who was worried about the other dogs taking over his territory. We thought the dogs would run off now that we were here safely but they just barked back at the dog and sat in front of the camp fire which has just been lit. Mini, being the wimp she was, started whimpering and hid between mine and Carl's legs and that's where she stayed for a while. It was at this point that I wanted to ship him home. I imagined that if I could give him a proper shampoo his fur would be so soft and silky.

We all dried out by the fire and tried to dry our trainers and socks on the camp fire. I managed to burn my socks and also the insoles of my trainers. The little boy who lived at the camp caught a tiny little bird which he was burning on the camp fire to eat. We didn't understand because this little bird was tiny and didn't have any meat on it but Mr Sun said it was because they liked the crunchiness and the flavour and then he took the burnt little bird from the boy and ate its head.

Mr Sun's favourite saying was 'if you don't try, you don't know' and then he began by telling us his life story. We sat on the floor in our dormitory with candles all around and beer flowing nicely with our mouths wide open in shock. He was in the army for two years and then special forces for a year. He tried to get out of going into the army by pretending that he was a lady boy. But they whacked him between the legs and he fell to the ground in pain so had to do the two years. Then after that he became a lady boy but it wasn't for him. Obviously that isn't enough in a lifetime so he paid to stay in Chiang Mai prison for three nights. After the first night he asked to leave because it was too awful but they wouldn't let him because he had paid for three nights. While he was telling us his life story Mini tried to crawl under the wooden door to get in to our dorm and nearly got stuck in the process.

Sunday 6 May:

It rained all night and didn't stop. The dogs were still around the camp fire but two had managed to break into our dorm in the night. God knows how because Mr Sun was very adamant that the dogs shouldn't come into the dorm and he shut and bolted the door when he left last night. We started off on our trek back down and the dogs came along with us again. Along the way Mr Sun stopped and started punching out a hole in a mud bank nearly knocking me out in the process. We asked what he was trying to get and he replied "big spider". After taking away nearly the whole of the mud bank this big tarantula jumped out and fell down the mud bank at the other side of the track. Mr Sun then jumped down the bank and after several attempts managed to catch the spider between his fingers. Apparently it was only a baby one (the size of my hand) but he kept it between his fingers the whole way down - along with a crab he caught shortly afterwards - with the intention of cooking them for us to eat for lunch. At one point Carl had to hold the crab which he felt very uncomfortable doing. The dogs started barking at a tiny little piglet which was chained to a wooden house with the intention to kill it and eat it. Mr Sun called the owners upstairs who threw stones at the dogs but it was only when we walked away in fear that the dogs left the pig and came with us. The piglet was shaking so badly when the dogs walked away and had to lean against a wooden pole. It was really horrible and everyone was screaming nnnnnoooooo. It was a two and a half hour trek downhill which was much worse than the day before. The rain hadn't stopped ever since we started out yesterday and it was a long way down. A few people actually slipped all the way down some slopes because it was just too wet and too muddy. And Mr Sun acted like he was Indiana Jones.

Our transport was waiting for us so we had to leave the dogs behind which was really emotional. They didn't realise that we were leaving them until we climbed into the back of the truck and then they whined. They chased after the truck and one by one they flaked out because they were too tired and couldn't keep up. The last three were Hop-a-long, Mini and another dog which fell asleep standing up while I was stroking him. It was so horrible watching them because they were running so fast and really wanted to catch up.

We arrived at the restaurant for lunch and after our two day trek had eventually come to an end Mr Sun brought out the fried spider and fried crab for us to taste. I really didn't want to so Carl tried a spider leg which he said tasted like hairy chicken. It smelt like singed hair. Mr Sun bit out the fangs, spat them on the floor and then crunched on the body. It was all a bit yukky.

After lunch we did a spot of bamboo rafting and our guide on the raft was a complete maniac. He was standing up at the front of the raft steering us. Every so often he looked round at us, screamed as if he was terrified of the water, then walloped the oar into the river. A complete freak.

It took us two hours to get back to our guesthouse we was a great feeling. We were so relieved and so glad that we didn't book the three day trek which we were very close to doing. We even had a better room than the one before even though it was the same guesthouse. It must have been the owners saying 'congratulations, you have got through the worst by staying in our crappiest room and completing the trek, now you can completely relax in one of the best rooms we have.' We had a shower attached to the wall, a little balcony, some decoration on the walls, a decent wardrobe and more importantly a TV. Plus the sun came out and it was hot. We couldn't believe that we had suffered all that rain on the trek and now the weather was perfect. But way too hot to trek so we were a bit thankful. In the evening we met the group from the trek for a few beers and had a quiet night.

Monday 7 May:

Yesterday we had arranged with Mr Sun for him to take us to a few places around the area as it was his day off but he wanted to earn a bit of money.

The first place he took us to was the snake farm. We had a look around and felt very sorry for some of the birds that were kept here. They had tiny cages. Even a peacock which didn't even have enough room to spread its beautiful feathers. We didn't understand because there was another peacock who had a fairly good sized cage but they could have roamed free. We got there just in time to see the snake show which was completely deadly. The first show involved two cobras which the man successfully managed to put to sleep but not before scaring the shit out of us by letting them come into the crowd. Then they brought out the pythons which they held by the back end and swirled them both round so that their heads skimmed our faces and then they introduced us to a jumping snake which was unbelievable but luckily didn't come too close to us and then they brought about seven water snakes into the circle which moved so fast and kept escaping from the ring and into the crowd. Carl and I sat right at the front but when he brought the cobras out I had to move because we were too much of a target. Carl, however, stayed where he was and when a python escaped from the ring the man ran over to Carl and kept pulling at Carl's shorts so that the python would strike. It didn't strike but it wasn't very far away. When we left the snake show we were shivering uncontrollably with fear.

Next on the list was the monkey zoo where we were greeted by a baby monkey pulling on his willy by his teeth. A member of staff brought over an adult monkey which was standing up and asked if I wanted to shake his hand and I replied that I would after he had finished having a wee. So after he had finished I shook his hand and then he sat on my lap. That might sound disgusting to you but after he sat on my lap he sat around Carl's neck with his legs wrapped around his front. That's even more disgusting. We got to see a monkey playing basketball, riding a bike and actually diving and swimming which we never knew they could do but you learn something new every day.

We went to a fake village where the long neck women and their families had set up home purely to help tourism along. And there were the women which put big things through their ear lobes. It was too touristy for our liking so we didn't stay long. It was actually quite embarrassing to think that they had set this fake village up and moved in these people just because of tourists.

The last stop was Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep which is one of the most important temples in Chiang Mai. It lies at the top of Suthep Mountain and has outstanding views of the city. The legend of its founding is as follows:

A Buddha relic was placed on the back of a sacred white elephant, which was allowed to roam where ever it wanted. The elephant eventually climbed to the top of Suthep Mountain, trumpeted (not trumped) three times, turned around three times, knelt down and died. This was taken as a sign that this was the spot where the relic wanted to be so King Kuena built a temple to hold it. He was a very busy man because there are quite a few buildings up there. :-)

There are about 309 steps leading up to the temple but once you get to the top the nice temple and the white elephant moment are there waiting. We had seen enough temples - like waterfalls - to last us a lifetime though so we made our way to the back of the temple where we saw an amazing view of Chiang Mai. It was here that I took a sneaky photo of two monks praying. Well only their heads and shoulders because someone was standing in the way.

After such a busy and knackering day we relaxed in the bar and had an early night.

Tuesday 8 May:

I remembered quite a lot about last night. The loud people in the bar from the three day trekking were shouting and screaming until about 6am and Carl was huffing and puffing through the night because I had to keep putting my scratch cream on from my bites.

After we had been shopping for nice luxuries (I had bought some really trendy Adidas Jesus creepers. It took me about an hour to decide which ones to buy and we managed to find a couple of English newspapers. Plus I know it's wrong because you should never buy one from a pet shop but I was very tempted to buy a dog) we had a few beers in the bar reading. It felt really good to be reading about home. In fact, that's what we did in the late afternoon and evening until it was bedtime.

Wednesday 9 May:

We got picked up by a minibus at 10am to take us to the border. It started out to be the worst journey we have had so far thanks to two of the most annoying idiots we have ever had the misfortune to meet. We picked these two idiots up at a guesthouse down the road. We were waiting ages for them because they had only got in a couple of hours before from partying all night. Not a good idea when you know you've got a seven hour minibus journey the next day. So after a while we continued up the road to the next guesthouse when they opened the windows of the minibus, preventing the air con from working, and started smoking out of the window. By now I had given up smoking for two weeks and was starting to feel quite sick from the smell and very moody with no patience (poor Carl) so asked him to put his cigarette out because he wasn't allowed to smoke on the bus. The driver had already told him off. So then we all had an argument and the driver got involved and very angrily told them to stop and they did. We had banter from them for most of the seven hour trip. Biggest idiots. We arrived at a guesthouse at about 6pm which was in Huay Xai. For around $3 a night we had a very small, basic room with our own bathroom and a balcony overlooking the river. We had a few beers and then met who would be our travelling companions for the next ten days or so - Thomas and Johanna from Sweden. They were staying in the room next door. It was at this point we discovered that you could even kill the smallest of ants with my tennis racket. Thomas and Johanna took the racket to a light by the river and started killing the flies there. It looked like fireworks. We had a very long conversation before hitting the sack.

Tip to travellers:

Don't be pressured into booking a guesthouse before and during the boat trip. So many people from guesthouses meet you off the boat and there are plenty of guesthouses in the areas you stop at.

Thursday 10 May:

It was a very short walk to the river where we boarded the slow boat. We sat in front of Thomas and Johanna on a wooden bench and got quite drunk throughout the seven hour boat ride. We were dreading the boat ride but it was quite fun and the river is really nice. We arrived at Bounmy Guesthouse in Pak Beng at around 5pm. The power to the tiny village gets cut off at around 10pm.

Friday 11 May:

My brand new Adidas Jesus creepers had gone. It wasn't the cute little puppies belonging to the guesthouse that took them although I tried to convince myself it was. If you stay at the Bounmy Guesthouse or anywhere in this village then don't leave anything lying around. It's a well known fact that when the electricity is cut off at around 10pm the people who work in the guesthouses rob from travellers and this is what happened to my shoes at Bounmy Guesthouse. There is a sign at the entrance to all doors telling you to remove your shoes before you enter the building. That's what I did and they got stolen so I wasn't very happy with them this morning and didn't even want to give them anymore money so we ate breakfast somewhere else.

We boarded the boat again at around 9am and the boat was much better than yesterday. Some people bought a tortoise which was being sold at the side of the river. The tortoise was being held captive by a string which was attached to the underneath of its shell. Something else had happened as well when I went to the toilet but Carl wouldn't tell me. He said it was lucky that I went to the toilet when I did. When we had moved further down the river they let the tortoise free, minus the string. We had leather reclining seats. We arrived at Luang Prabang after a nine hour boat ride and we checked into a really nice guest house (will have to find out the name later) and had steak in a restaurant across the road. It was scrummy and the wine was quite good too.